Michigan metaphorical rivalry essays part 2: Ohio State

Remember when i said that i would post a metaphorical essay for each of Michigan's major rivals? Well here's the second edition.

Ohio Stat is like the neighborhood redneck bully. You know the one who lives with his cat lady mom, who tries to beat you at everything because you're the most unique person around. He hates you because you're both smart and good at sports, the latter is the only thing he's good at. He's frustrated with his life so he's taken out his frustration on you the past four years by pounding you.

It's not that you haven't fought back, it's just that the last couple of years he's had some help from his wine cooler drinking friend Mr. Rogers. Who thinks he's helping the kid when he's really just making him more aggressive.

He seems to be taking some kind of rage inducers that help him pound you on the football field, although it's also possible he's making up for 1988-2000.

But there is hope of him not kicking your ass this week, you challenged him to a basketball game which you won. And he was eating his heart out over that, but you and i know that that redneck bully lives for one thing, beating your ass especially on the football field.

P.S. If the state of Michigan looks like a hand then doesn't the state of Ohio look like a pair of tighty whiteys?

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

c-ya

Michigan metaphorical rivalry essays Part 1: Minnesota

Minnesota in football is like that guy you know in your neighborhood who was in a rock band in the seventies and had some success did a couple of tours with some good bands, but afterwards really burned out, and never seemed to adjust to the new climate in the eighties.

You know a few things about him but in reality, these things just add to the mystery of the man.

He apparently has a home but you don't know where. You see his son playing hockey, but you don't know how much he's associated with old dad. He seems to like the cold but he prefers to stay indoors for a lot of events. And the thing that boggles you the most is that he keeps asking you for "Jugs".

You're not entirely sure whether he has a speech impediment or whether he's just messing with you, either way, you try to avoid him as much as possible. Although generally docile he has taken stuff from you in the past, most notably in 2005. His son is also a hell of basketball player and if he's winning, he'll pour it on you in hockey.

wow that was shorter than i thought.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

c-ya