Next time i will get a chance, i will finally get a chance to start my Big Ten rivalry essays in metaphor format. It will read something like this.
Ohio State = Neighborhood redneck bully
Michigan State = your sports rival relative
Penn State = old senile war vet
Minnesota = washed up old rock star
Wisconsin = your alcoholic arm wrestling uncle
Iowa = dangerous schizophrenic
Purdue = cranky guy (not sure if he's young or old)
Northwestern = prissy dude who hates sports
Chicago = prissy dude who hates sports more
Illinois = weird dudes who for the most part don't do much, but do stuff every once in a while
Indiana = basketball player who eschews football
Notre Dame = rich dude with a major superiority complex in regards to you.
P.S. I'm writing these all from the perspective of Michigan.